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Rory Reviews (Movies): Pan (2015)

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1 Rory Reviews (Movies): Pan (2015) on Mon Oct 17, 2016 12:40 pm

Just watched Pan (2015) and felt like ripping it a new one. Was it enjoyable? Sure, I guess it was. In the way Frozen might be (I honestly don't know). If there were no musical numbers, everything was live-action, and it wasn't about princesses. Is it flawed? Boy howdy, and I'm gonna review it before I look up it's sin count by CinemaSins or the review that Nostalgia Critic might have done if he found time. Gather 'round, children. Hollywood made a stinky and it's time for show and tell.

Disorganized rant
Hook's role is replaced by "Blackbeard" who is on all accounts a discount Hook and looks and sounds nothing like Edward Thatch. Hook takes the role of a lovable scoundrel who looks and sounds like he was picked up during America's Wild West era.

Peter is a boy from an orphanage whose parentage turns out to be half-fey (and the fey half is from his father, of course, and if you were wondering about size, they ). Honestly, that explains something I've been wondering since I first saw the original racist animated Peter Pan feature film: why doesn't he need pixie dust? Moreover, they call that Pixum (with a capital P), and it's a mineral. So, does it come from fairies or not? Do the fairies need it to fly? The answer is "no" I guess, but then why would Tinker Bell be carrying it around in vast quantities for her tiny size? "Just in case"?

By the way, the indians say he wears the "Pan", his mother calls him Peter Pan at the end. What does this mean? I don't know. Was the fairy king's last name "Pan"? What is the significance of the pan flute to the tribe, or to the fairies(and why would they care enough to adopt its use for Peter's sake)? Who knows. Who cares.

Do these things detract from the film? Slightly. Only worse is the two, three songs that their audiences of children and pirates (later just pirates, even later just the indians I guess), which they Bioshock-ify. It doesn't work.

You know what else doesn't work? Hook and Pan's relationship. And I don't mean their dynamic, I mean their relationship throughout the film. They start out as friends...and they actually stay that way. Their relationship grows, in fact. I was looking forward to seeing a bittersweet theme in the two of them realizing how different they are, then opposing each other in aiming for a shared goal for different reasons, and eventually(as in a final showdown, not "never until it happens") crossing swords, providing Pan the opportunity to cut off Hook's hand in the process. Eventually he does, but maybe he doesn't in the film, and it's just alluded to, like it always is. How's that for a twist?

That doesn't happen. Instead we get a fish-out-of-water story about a boy looking for his mother, with the subplot of Hook courting Tiger Lily. She has none of it...until the 3rd act, and it would have been smart of them to write that relationship bombing as well. Because later Hook and the indians are not buddy-buddy. Doesn't make sense for him to not find a reason to hate them (even if it's petty).

Instead everything's hunky-dory in the end, and Blackbeard falls to a Disney-esque death instead of being forever marooned on earth where he would later be shot and stabbed to death after his ship was ambushed and boarded by The Jane (going off-tangent for comedic effect). Pan learns to fly when Hook falls to...I don't know, the bottomless pit? We don't see the bottom of the fairy kingdom. There's not even a "don't fall!" moment where it's revealed that it's either an infinite fall or a really long death-plummet - no Chekov's gun for you.

Anyway, he saves Hook, and I don't even know how. Did he get a happy thought? And if so, what was it? I don't see what anyone could be feeling at that moment besides rage, anguish, sadness, or even despair. Despair from one less adult in the world who can help solve Peter's problems - although all adults lie to him, he's got that going for him. All adults fail him in one fashion or another.

When he flies in to attack after making sure Hook is safe, the fairies help him, and they're good at fighting. Apparently they didn't have the courage while they were being fired upon by Blackbeard's men, without Pan's help. He had to inspire them with a sudden "I can" moment from Pan. And they all know fairy language instinctively, sine Pan does. That must be a pain with their newborn, everyone's gotta be extra careful what they say around their kid...especially mum and dad when they're alone together and the door is accidentally open a crack.

Verdict
Wikipedia says the film was criticized for lack of originality, the casting, and the characterization (of its characters, I'm assuming). They should add lack of sense and lack of potential.

3/10. If you and your kids happen to be on an airplane, watch this if it's part of the flight. It'll either keep you busy or help you fall asleep.

Silver lining
Fear not, the good movies are still good. There's your happy thought.

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