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Just Left a Family Christmas Party: I don't think I can talk to my Uncle again.

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I just really need a place to vent.

During a family party my Uncle started bringing up his political opinions, asking people what they thought, then snickering at their answers. This is normal behavior for him. But this year he went too far. He nonchalantly and unironically brought up his belief in the ancient "Jewish Conspiracy." I got very angry at him and said some heated words, and he more or less laughed in my face for my taking offence to his bald-faced antisemitism. His wife and kids are good people, ironically several of them are non-white, one Korean, and one Afro-Colombian, adopted (not that this has made him any less racist), but I don't think I can look into the face of a man who holds such beliefs and smile and pretend it is okay, not when he has no compunction about inflicting them on relatives at a once a year holiday gathering.

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Well, you don't have to smile at him. You don't have to give him attention. Hell he's probably doing it just to get people to notice him. Just say yeah ok shutup you grandpa. Cuz if all that you say to him amounts to something to heckle or laugh at, Instead of getting angry, belittle him when he brings it up because it's harmful and stupid.

Or talk with your family about this. If this upsets your family that much, then why is he still invited if he's going to be disruptive? What he thinks isn't so much the problem with him being there as it's him blabbing about it at the expense of everyone else's good temper, just to get his kicks.

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We don't choose our familiy members, and despite what society or the media may have us believe at times, we are not obligated to get along with people from our family, no matter how closely related. I cut ties with one of my grandpas for what he said, and I don't regret it. I know how you're feeling, but you made the right choice.

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The thing is its his Christmas party we go to every year, and its nice to see my Aunt and cousins and their family, but It's only a matter of time before Uncle Tom starts talking about whatever reactionary fringe theory he's read online or heard on talk radio. Over the past decade, each year less people show up, my aunt's sister doesn't show up anymore, and neither does her older brother (who is gay), and neither does Tom's only sister, my aunt, who has anxiety, and my own brother. It's down My parents and myself and my Aunt's mother, and I don't think I can show up next year if he going to patronize me for assenting to every grinning speech makes about criminal nature of Black people or Asians are naturally better at math.

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I know it's tough when you want to meet with some familiy members but not others, but maybe there are other ways of keeping in touch aside from Christmas dinners. Have you talked to your aunt about this before? I'm sure she would understand.

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Oh. Interesting. That changes things. Stop going. Between you and the people who don't anymore, throw your own party if you can. You're not obligated to tolerate his presence if he's going to act like that. In fact, I recant my original thoughts. You could go to some other Christmas party until he left yours if he wasn't the host, if you really wanted to be at one. Better spent alone than with some jackass who invites people for no reason other than to push their buttons for fun.

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Not that I'm in a great position to talk here but I've said, for years, that family is chosen, not birthed. I say I have a wonderful family, and it's true, but... that 'family' is not everyone I'm related to, if you follow. Some of my blood relatives have been 'cut off' and so they shall remain. In other words, perhaps it would be best in this situation to simply 'cut off' this individual from your family.


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